ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
