i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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