Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
