He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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