So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
