I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
