When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
