PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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