I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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