I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
