The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
