1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's the barista slut.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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