at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
