So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
