Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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