apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
