Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize