this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
there was a trapeze. enough said
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
