When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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