i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
