Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
