You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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