oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
