we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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