This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
