Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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