Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
