How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
