he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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