I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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