what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
