In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
