honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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