That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
