So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
