I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
