oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
