Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
