Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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