I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
