I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
