i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize