Ambien. No doubt about it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
