that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize