She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
