um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
