What a fucking waste of an outfit
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
