she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
