Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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