Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
