Your face is a jimmy john
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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