Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
