Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
