So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
