How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Come on in and take your pants off
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