D3 body, D1 cock
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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