so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
