I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize