Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
