I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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