you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
