Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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