I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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