the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
