I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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