Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
