ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
