I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
