yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
