I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
